My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i barfeds in our rink
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
