woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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