We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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