My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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