i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
