Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
