I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
