Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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