i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
