Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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