dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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