Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Me. At least after what I've been through.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
