No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
