ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
