Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
