i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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