sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
