there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
