so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
