just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
