the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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