Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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