the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
His nipple licking is glorious
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