I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
