Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
