I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
