I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize