So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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