i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
