Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
