I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize