can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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