I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
