Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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