Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
