Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
