my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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