i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
