the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
