Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
