So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
