READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
