yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
