just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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