3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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