Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Randomize
