he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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