We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
