Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
As shirtless as possible
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
