Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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