i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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