she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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