3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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