Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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