Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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