and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
