I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
