Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
