i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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