Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
