i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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