Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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