Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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