awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
