That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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