You're completely useless in the revolution.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
