I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
