you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
