New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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