come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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