Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
