okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
