I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize