dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
