Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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