Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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