its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
