I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
