there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
