"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
