she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
