I will die if light touches me.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
