to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
