Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
