I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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