made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize